Grandma's Legacy

At church they call me the bootleg minister.  They say that I preach my sermons while I am ministering in music.  Okay, well this page will be dedicated to some of my little "sermonettes."  Enjoy.

The Walking Wounded

My past is that of a child of sexual abuse, and a teenage girl of date rape.  As a woman I have and probably will still deal with certain "memories" that occasionally come in my mind that may be triggered by certain scents or articles of clothing. 

I learned as I grew into womanhood how to "pretend" to be happy and act like I was over my past.  I somehow always found myself in situations that I knew were not right but nonetheless I stayed in them.  I learned how to hide tears behind laughter and keep things bottled up.  Instead of crying when someone hurt me I usually lashed out or held a grudge.  I would just shrug my shoulders and "act" like nothing could hurt me.  But deep down I was slowly hurting and dying...spiritually dying.

My pastor finally told me what I was doing and called me the Walking Wounded.  To the world I looked fine, I was always happy, nothing got to me.  But deep inside I was wounded.  If someone hurt me I just would shrug my shoulders and apply a spiritual salve on the pain and keep going.  But how many of you know that each time someone hurts you that the cut of that pain gets deeper?   The salve eases the pain for a little while until someone comes along and cuts you again.

Well, I guess I got tired of applying salve to my pain.  I needed the Great Physician to do some surgery.  Now I am not going to lie and act like I didn't jump off the operating table a couple of times because repair work is very painful.  I had and still have some layers to go.  My spirit can breath a little better and by letting GOD shower me with his love and his Word I am starting to allow the healing process to begin and take it's course.  You see, I don't want to "pretend" to be happy I really want to be happy.  I don't want to pretend that all is well with my spirit when I know it is slowly dying.  I want to be healed so that I can help somebody else.  But mostly I want to be able to do the will of God effectively and with the right heart.  Don't you?